Two things I have recently become obsessed with:
- Ever-so-lightly-pink lip glosses
- South Park: The Stick of Truth
The polar opposite nature of these two things are basically me in a nutshell.
I love my crass humour and my video games, but will still occasionally have to pause and coo at the shiny girly things.
I like to think of these brownies as an unapologetically disgusting yet hilarious sense of humour topped with an extra sparkly hit of Dolly gloss. Like me!
Let me explain.
A few years ago, in an effort to be a little healthier, I lost 30 pounds over the span of a year. I knew that I would never be able to stop eating sugary deliciousness, so I went the calorie counting route as opposed to the “eating healthy foods” route. It worked out for me, and I’ve kept most of the weight off since.
Most of it.
I tend to occasionally bounce around 5-6 pounds heavier than my lightest from time to time.
It’s actually a relatively accurate measure of my current life stress level.
And now! Back to where we last left our heroes, struggling with the big bad evil villain, “Real Estate”.
Since we last joined in this epic tale, a condo was being put on the market.
It is now off the market.
I feel like I should be happier.
There’s nothing quite like getting your hair did to make you feel like a lady.
It’s that lovely pampered feeling that you can only get from someone fussing over you in a completely superfluous way. Also the way your hair sits just right, a way that for some reason you can never do no matter how kind and patient your stylist is explaining to you how to do it.
I have pin straight Asian hair, and yet I can’t get my hair as smooth as she gets it.
I’m convinced that all hair stylists are some sort of magicians.
Well, the good ones are at least.
Guys guys guuuuuuuys!
I figured out what to do with all of that leftover funsize Halloween candy!!
Other than, of course, sitting on the couch with it, most of it shamelessly on your face, while you wonder to yourself how Jeff Winger could be such an implorable douche and so very adorable at the same time. (The answer may lie within Joel McHale’s abs…)
I miss Community.
Tangent! Anyway, you take that candy, and you bake it into the middle of a brownie.
Because why not?
So I made another boo boo. Take note everyone, if a recipe says you need to use 40% javanese milk chocolate, don’t misread it as simply “milk chocolate”.
You will end up with cloyingly sweet trifle.
I started to cough around the third or forth bite from the sugary coating that had formed around my mouth and throat.
But I still finished my bowl because at the end of the day… it’s a bowl full of chocolate.
Do you see that picture right there?
That one with all the oozing caramel and the little sparkly flecks of salt. I want to swim in that picture, making my way through waves of salted caramel, climbing through rich dark chocolately layers of brownie.
I would happily eat my way out of that swimming pool.
I’ve discussed my love for the combination of mint and chocolate.
Someone put peppermint patties in my brownies.
Whoever you are, you’re my hero.
I used to hate coffee.
Strangely though, I just hated coffee itself, liquid, in a mug, yet loved everything else about it. My favourite smell in the world was and still is the scent of coffee. I would leisurely walk down the coffee aisle at the supermarket, taking a deep breath around the fresh coffee grinder, knowing full well I had no business being around something I knew I would never use. One of my old boyfriends had a dad who really loved his coffee, and I would always make sure I visited the kitchen to smell his latest beans.
I even loved any sweets that were coffee flavoured. Coffee candies, coffee ice cream, mocha shortbread, espresso cheesecake.. stick coffee in a baked good and I was a sucker for it. Sadly, even with all this coffee love, if you were to hand me a steaming cup of coffee, the first taste would make my face pucker in disgust. I’ve been known to liken iced black coffee to “slurping on a black hole”.
University late nights of work and studying changed that. Well, some of it.